discoveringdesaray

Over the past few years I have had a very special prayer request set before God. It's one of those "impossible" prayers. You know what I'm talking about-we all have at least one. That one desire that is tucked away deep in our hearts. The one we hide from everyone-including ourselves-because we are too afraid of hope. These are the prayers, the dreams, the longings that the Spirit of God comes along and breathes life into against our protests. He slips in so easily and plants hope where we refuse to let hope live. But who knows that once God plants something in us it's not real easy to dig it up, is it? That's how it was for me. That forbidden, impossible desire that I would dare not ever speak aloud. Then one early morning as I carelessly allowed myself to whisper it in a moment of vulnerability and then quickly tried to push it away-it happened. The Spirit of God whispered in my ear, "Declare it." And so I did. At first I was embarrassed. I w...

I long for a place of quiet comfort. Where the voices in my head cannot be heard.  Where nothing but silence is of import. I long for a place of stillness. Where I have no places to be or clock to keep. Where there are no requests to be filled. I long for a place of warmth and and rest. Where nothing matters anymore. Where I don't constantly feel an elephant on my chest. I long for a place where questions don't exist. Where uncertainty has no place. Where nothing is lost and nothing is missed. I long for a place where completion and fullness are found. Where good-byes don't exist. Where fear and grief don't abound. I long for a place of courage and strength. Where nothing matters but what is right. Where risk and cost aren't weighed. I long for a place of comprehension. Where chaos and confusion have no place. Where there is no teetering on fences.

I haven't written in awhile. Well, I've been writing, just not here. I've been working on a project. At first the story flowed out of me and had a life of it's own. I had no choice but to tell it. I had ideas on where I wanted it to lead; where I believed it would go. When I would type I would allow the details that were unplanned to flow and allow the story to grow all on its own. But it finished a lot sooner than I expected. It took a turn that I didn't plan or see coming. I'm not upset...it took the best turn it could have taken. But then it was abruptly over and now I have no idea what to write. It's like I hit this amazing high and now nothing. I've got nothing. I feel like I'm floating in this abyss of nothingness. Where do I go from here? What now?