Antispetic of Grace
<Excerpt from Letters to My Lover: Journal of an Adulterous Woman temporarily removed from this post>
Have you ever felt like that? C'mon, ladies. How many of you have silenced the pain of rejection and abandonment by filling that void with a lie of love? How many of us have sought freedom by enslaving ourselves to sin? Men, how many of you have sought affirmation and validation by taking a woman when you have no intention of keeping her?
So many of us have found ourselves trapped in this vicious cycle; a trap set by the Enemy of our souls. Our bodies are the Temple of the Holy Spirit. So the Enemy is intent on defiling the temple in any way he can. Drugs. Booze. Sex. Cutting. Abuse. Defile the temple, break the relationship, shame the soul.
There is only ONE who can fill that void within us. There is only ONE who will never fail us, abandon us, be unfaithful to us, use us or abuse us. There is only ONE who can look at us when we are as ugly as the girl I wrote about above. Only ONE who can reach out and cleanse that kind of filth and heal that kind of mentality. Only ONE who can be the antiseptic needed to cleanse the wounds, not the anesthetic. Only ONE who can bear the weight of the guilt that follows transactions such as that.
We try to hide the wounds inflicted on us by our sinful acts and unwise choices and rebellion because we are ashamed. We think if we hide them and coddle them that we can nurse ourselves back to health. But that's doesn't work! True healing can only be found in our Healer. Completeness, wholeness, all-encompassing peace of mind, release from the past...all of it can only be found in the ONE who created us. The ONE who formed us. The ONE who wove us together in the secret place. The ONE who is the Prince of Peace. The ONE who was wounded for our transgressions and whose blood redeems us in the eyes of the Father.
We can't hide what we want healed. Those wounds will only fester. They become infected. The infection, when not treated properly, spreads into other areas of our lives. And even if the scab forms and the bleeding stops...we aren't healed. Even when the scan falls off and we are left with a scar we still aren't healed. The infection is under the surface and infecting us in multiple ways.
We can be held back in our purpose and our ministry by feelings of shame and unworthiness. We can feel incompetent because of our past mistakes. We still find ourselves guilty of something Christ wants to declare us innocent of. We may lie to cover our past and hide our sin. This lack of confession and the lies to cover it continue to follow us wherever we go. A lie is never just a lie. You have to retell it over and over again. Before you know it you have become a liar. Now you hold yourself in condemnation because you know you are a liar and because of your past. The cycle just continues to perpetuate itself. There is this wedge between yourself and the Lover of your soul.
You can't come to the Father with sin on your hands and the only way to be cleansed of that is to confess your sins to Jesus and repent. Then let Him do His work! Allow the Son to shine on those wounds. Allow Him to pour His healing balm into them to remove the infection. You may even need to let Him reach inside and pull out any objects, any roots, any seeds, any blade tips that have broken off and imbedded themselves inside you by the sins of others committed against you. You want to heal right? You want the pain to stop. The throbbing that has become a part of you to cease? Sometimes you can't feel your heart beating in your chest anymore, but instead in a broken rhythm within the wound is the only place you know it still beats.
You want the poison of condemnation and cover-up and fear to finally be pulled out of you once and for all, don't you? You want to walk with your head high and to be able to meet other's eyes. You want to smile and laugh and minister within chains holding you back so you can only tread so far. You want to tread on those snakes and scorpions and know there isn't one still latched onto you. No fear! You want to live free of the fear of being found out. Free of the fear of judgment. Free of the fear of falling back to what used to be. Because it will be no more when He is through with you.
I can't promise there won't be a scar. Most likely, there will be. Even our precious and perfect Savior bares the scars of our sins, so why not us. But just as His, our scars serve to prove the magnitude of His love and the extreme measures He will take to save us from our extreme sin. Those scars are great conversation starters. Tattoos that lives have left on us to tell a story. The story of Jesus.
And when we stop hiding them and start letting the Son shine on them people we ask how we got them. Smile and tell them! Don't hold back! You never know, by the time you're done they may just being rolling up their sleeves to expose a scar of their own and tentatively begin to speak of their own war story. Give others the courage and boldness and permission to free themselves with you. The Enemy can't hold us back when we stop hiding in the darkn with him and instead start declaring the good works of Jesus in the bright light of day.
Have you ever felt like that? C'mon, ladies. How many of you have silenced the pain of rejection and abandonment by filling that void with a lie of love? How many of us have sought freedom by enslaving ourselves to sin? Men, how many of you have sought affirmation and validation by taking a woman when you have no intention of keeping her?
So many of us have found ourselves trapped in this vicious cycle; a trap set by the Enemy of our souls. Our bodies are the Temple of the Holy Spirit. So the Enemy is intent on defiling the temple in any way he can. Drugs. Booze. Sex. Cutting. Abuse. Defile the temple, break the relationship, shame the soul.
There is only ONE who can fill that void within us. There is only ONE who will never fail us, abandon us, be unfaithful to us, use us or abuse us. There is only ONE who can look at us when we are as ugly as the girl I wrote about above. Only ONE who can reach out and cleanse that kind of filth and heal that kind of mentality. Only ONE who can be the antiseptic needed to cleanse the wounds, not the anesthetic. Only ONE who can bear the weight of the guilt that follows transactions such as that.
We try to hide the wounds inflicted on us by our sinful acts and unwise choices and rebellion because we are ashamed. We think if we hide them and coddle them that we can nurse ourselves back to health. But that's doesn't work! True healing can only be found in our Healer. Completeness, wholeness, all-encompassing peace of mind, release from the past...all of it can only be found in the ONE who created us. The ONE who formed us. The ONE who wove us together in the secret place. The ONE who is the Prince of Peace. The ONE who was wounded for our transgressions and whose blood redeems us in the eyes of the Father.
We can't hide what we want healed. Those wounds will only fester. They become infected. The infection, when not treated properly, spreads into other areas of our lives. And even if the scab forms and the bleeding stops...we aren't healed. Even when the scan falls off and we are left with a scar we still aren't healed. The infection is under the surface and infecting us in multiple ways.
We can be held back in our purpose and our ministry by feelings of shame and unworthiness. We can feel incompetent because of our past mistakes. We still find ourselves guilty of something Christ wants to declare us innocent of. We may lie to cover our past and hide our sin. This lack of confession and the lies to cover it continue to follow us wherever we go. A lie is never just a lie. You have to retell it over and over again. Before you know it you have become a liar. Now you hold yourself in condemnation because you know you are a liar and because of your past. The cycle just continues to perpetuate itself. There is this wedge between yourself and the Lover of your soul.
You can't come to the Father with sin on your hands and the only way to be cleansed of that is to confess your sins to Jesus and repent. Then let Him do His work! Allow the Son to shine on those wounds. Allow Him to pour His healing balm into them to remove the infection. You may even need to let Him reach inside and pull out any objects, any roots, any seeds, any blade tips that have broken off and imbedded themselves inside you by the sins of others committed against you. You want to heal right? You want the pain to stop. The throbbing that has become a part of you to cease? Sometimes you can't feel your heart beating in your chest anymore, but instead in a broken rhythm within the wound is the only place you know it still beats.
You want the poison of condemnation and cover-up and fear to finally be pulled out of you once and for all, don't you? You want to walk with your head high and to be able to meet other's eyes. You want to smile and laugh and minister within chains holding you back so you can only tread so far. You want to tread on those snakes and scorpions and know there isn't one still latched onto you. No fear! You want to live free of the fear of being found out. Free of the fear of judgment. Free of the fear of falling back to what used to be. Because it will be no more when He is through with you.
I can't promise there won't be a scar. Most likely, there will be. Even our precious and perfect Savior bares the scars of our sins, so why not us. But just as His, our scars serve to prove the magnitude of His love and the extreme measures He will take to save us from our extreme sin. Those scars are great conversation starters. Tattoos that lives have left on us to tell a story. The story of Jesus.
And when we stop hiding them and start letting the Son shine on them people we ask how we got them. Smile and tell them! Don't hold back! You never know, by the time you're done they may just being rolling up their sleeves to expose a scar of their own and tentatively begin to speak of their own war story. Give others the courage and boldness and permission to free themselves with you. The Enemy can't hold us back when we stop hiding in the darkn with him and instead start declaring the good works of Jesus in the bright light of day.
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