Fear or Freedom? What's it gonna be?
Last month I found this 30 Day Writing Challenge on a writer's page on Facebook. It was to begin April 1 and go each day of the month with a new topic to write on each day. I've been sitting stagnant again for a while. It seems I go through seasons where I cannot stop writing and then those where I have nothing to say. I figured this challenge would be a good way to flex the writing muscles and get me moving again.
My start was great. Each day I tackled the topic of the day with enthusiasm and energy. And I've found that even once I've addressed the daily topic, I find myself wanting to keep writing. The stretching has moved into full blown exercise! I am halfway through the month and I would call this challenge a success already.
Yesterday we met with a couple who are probably our closest friends. She is my anchor and my accountability and swift kick in the butt. He is like a father, a brother, a boss, and a friend all in one. I adore these two people and am closer to them than most of my own siblings. She and I have a love for our art that we don't really need to describe, though our crafts are completely different. He is the one who stays on me about my art. When I'm not writing he knows it. And I hear about it.
I've known since I was very young that I have a book in me. I don't know when or how I knew, I just knew and understood within me that someday I would write one. For the last few years Ive been trying to birth it. But every bit of progress I make I feel like I fall back three steps and it's frustrating. There's a wall in front of me and it's not writer's block.
It's fear. I'm terrified of being in that spotlight. I'm terrified of being filetted open for the world to see. I am totally insecure about the person they will see, because I don't even know who she is. Who will I be exposing? And will she be accepted? Will she be loved? Or will she be scorned, mocked, and rejected? It's terrifying. I keep trying to find her for myself first. So that I am able to critique her alone. But she eludes me. I know the only freedom she will find is when I birth her through the pages of the book I hear calling me...but maybe she's safer locked up within. Or is that just me?
My start was great. Each day I tackled the topic of the day with enthusiasm and energy. And I've found that even once I've addressed the daily topic, I find myself wanting to keep writing. The stretching has moved into full blown exercise! I am halfway through the month and I would call this challenge a success already.
Yesterday we met with a couple who are probably our closest friends. She is my anchor and my accountability and swift kick in the butt. He is like a father, a brother, a boss, and a friend all in one. I adore these two people and am closer to them than most of my own siblings. She and I have a love for our art that we don't really need to describe, though our crafts are completely different. He is the one who stays on me about my art. When I'm not writing he knows it. And I hear about it.
I've known since I was very young that I have a book in me. I don't know when or how I knew, I just knew and understood within me that someday I would write one. For the last few years Ive been trying to birth it. But every bit of progress I make I feel like I fall back three steps and it's frustrating. There's a wall in front of me and it's not writer's block.
It's fear. I'm terrified of being in that spotlight. I'm terrified of being filetted open for the world to see. I am totally insecure about the person they will see, because I don't even know who she is. Who will I be exposing? And will she be accepted? Will she be loved? Or will she be scorned, mocked, and rejected? It's terrifying. I keep trying to find her for myself first. So that I am able to critique her alone. But she eludes me. I know the only freedom she will find is when I birth her through the pages of the book I hear calling me...but maybe she's safer locked up within. Or is that just me?
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