discoveringdesaray

I was in church this morning and enjoying the sweetest moment in the Presence of my King. I felt overwhelmed with the sacrificial love that He poured out for me, I mean ME? I know it wasn't JUST for me, but I also know that I was part of it. I know that my sins were part of the pain He felt that day. I know my debt was paid that day. I know that my Savior took my punishment that day. I know that He suffered a death and separation from the Father that should have been mine to bear. I, along with every other man and woman on the planet, am so unworthy.  Who am I that He takes the time to reach down from His heavenly throne to concern Himself with my trivial problems? The smallest requests and desires? Who am I that He would defend me unto death? That He would reach down and pull me out of the pit I was heedlessly falling into? Who am I that He would salvage me from the rubble of this world and take the time to carefully and tenderly clean me up and teach me a new way?  As...

I have a pretty big responsibility that is about to be laid upon my shoulders in about six weeks. It is one that I take very seriously and that has taken me a long time to build up the nerve to accept. This isn't something I accept lightly or easily. I have prayed, fasted, studied, talked about, trained, observed, cried and resisted this for some time. But the time has come and I know that I am equipped and prepared. I take it humbly and will hold on to it with precious care and caution. This has been absorbed much of my prayers, thoughts and concentration recently. Preparations and logistics and lots and lots of prayer. Suddenly, just as I have come to the place of accepting this new role and responsibility and have started to believe...not in myself, but in what God has instilled in me through my leaders, teachers and experiences and by His own creation and formation of me...I have been delivered another invitation. Fear. Panic. Hesitation. Concern. Overwhelming pressure. T...

I went to the utilities office to pay my water bill. As I parked my car I saw a girl hunched over by a truck. She was looking beneath by the back tires. I wondered what she was doing there, reaching out in a reassuring gesture. I went down the street and turned around and came back up to park. There I saw the tiny ball of fur on the pavement, she had coaxed the little cat out. She got in the truck as her mother did and they started the engine up. The skittish little cat jumped and bolted...right back toward the truck! I yelped and ran, waving at them as I went. They saw and stopped and waited for me, now my turn to coax her out. She came to me and my children pretty easily and I gave the ladies the sign to go. Then I left her there in the rain and cold so I could go take care of my bill. While I was inside writing my check to pay a debt, I overheard the ladies talking inside. The little cat was the topic of the conversation. Everyone was talking about it holding on all day, feeling...

Pt. 2 I remember the day that this light came in and shone into my darkness.  Through an interesting series of teenage hijinx and events, I was conned into going to church. The eye rolling, pouting and murmuring I did in my closet about that ordeal! It was a conspiracy. It was hypocrisy. It was annoying.  Months went by as I attended just enough to satisfy the hounds. I would be bored and irritated. Not at all interested or open. But there was this one Sunday morning...I to this day could not tell you the date, nor the sermon. But there was no way that man should know anything about me...yet somehow his words from the stage reached out and struck a match at the opening of my closet door.  The light seemed so far away. I didn't was afraid of it. I pulled back and curled tighter. Hope equaled pain and disappointment. They were not going to catch me now. No matter what pretty words that man spoke on stage. No matter how intriguing that little light was. And no matter how kin...

Pt. 1 I ran away from home when I was in the sixth grade. I decided that I couldn't live in darkness anymore and that I would run forever if that is what it took.  I ran to a friend's house and I hid in her tree house til her family left for the evening. Then I used their hide a key to sneak into the house. I went upstairs and I hid in her closet. it felt like the safest place in the world at that point. Hiding in that secret place and praying to never be found there. Praying for an escape to a better life. I hid with my little backpack of treasured possessions and prayed that I would be okay.  Then the doorbell started to ring. They were looking for me. Of course they would start at my best friend's house. It rang over and over again. I was so scared.  I remember she had a cubby in the back of her closet. It was storage space. That night it was my hiding place. The doors of the house were locked. The lights off. No one was home. No one even knew I was there. I was on the...

Today my boogeyman died. The dark shadow that always loomed over my shoulder and in the peripheal of my dreams has disappeared...never to return again. Today I realized I am free.  I am free from every curse spoken over me. I am free from every negative word spoken over me. I am free from those shameful nights of intrusion and fear. I am free from those early mornings full of disgust and a panicked need to flee. I am free.  I am free from the insecurities you birthed in me and your memory has nursed. I am free from the wounds you have caused that I thought would never heal. I am free from the anger and the disappointment. I am free from the betrayal and broken heart. I am free from embarrassment and shame. I am free from you.  The day I got away at last was the day I was free from you.  The day He reached out and touched me...I was made free through His blood.  The day I forgave you I was made free of you.  Today I realized the cage door has been o...

"My Rights as a Daughter of the King of Kings" Over the past few months I have been contemplating my rights as one of God's children; the legal issues in my life. My right to good health. My right to a pure, wholesome and happy marriage. My right to raise and educate my children as I choose, in the ways of God and not the ways of this world. My rights to financial freedom and stability. My right to a sound mind, peace and relaxation instead of busyness and stress. These are all promises made to me by God in His word. So why have I settled for so much less than I deserve? When our governing rulers make decisions that I don't agree with or I believe are unjust I speak out. I speak out in discussions with those around me, occasionally I will share my views on social media sites, and I speak out through my votes.  Why then, when the enemy of my soul comes to steal, kill and destroy the promises of God on my life do I sit back and take it?  It is time to take a stand for H...

I want you to tell them my story, not yours.  I want you to tell them that I am a God who can make all things new.  I want you to show them that I can fix them, if they will only give me the pieces. I want you to show them that I am a God who restores. Who cleanses. Who heals. I replace.  I reset. I am the answer to their every question. I am the love they dream of finding. I am the one they seek.  They will never find what will fill the void until they come to me.  Out of the overflow of what I offer is when and where they will find what they “think” they need now. Tell them our love story.  Tell them how you rejected me and denied me and ignored me.  Tell them how you scorned me in your heart.  Tell them how patient I was and what a gentleman I am and how I courted, pursued and wooed you.  Tell them how you fell in love with me. Tell them how you left me.  You betrayed and cheated on me.  Tell them how you kept chasing other lover...