I have a pretty big responsibility that is about to be laid upon my shoulders in about six weeks. It is one that I take very seriously and that has taken me a long time to build up the nerve to accept. This isn't something I accept lightly or easily. I have prayed, fasted, studied, talked about, trained, observed, cried and resisted this for some time. But the time has come and I know that I am equipped and prepared. I take it humbly and will hold on to it with precious care and caution.
This has been absorbed much of my prayers, thoughts and concentration recently. Preparations and logistics and lots and lots of prayer.
Suddenly, just as I have come to the place of accepting this new role and responsibility and have started to believe...not in myself, but in what God has instilled in me through my leaders, teachers and experiences and by His own creation and formation of me...I have been delivered another invitation.
Fear. Panic. Hesitation. Concern. Overwhelming pressure. Tempting and exciting...but terrifying! My immediate reaction was this is not for me. Though inside I felt the pull and knew it was exactly for me. The Lord gave me a word months ago and right on time delivered on His word and answered the questions I have long sought Him about. Yet, I immediately resisted.
And I wondered why He wouldn't tell me sooner what His plan and purpose were for me?! My friend and teacher had it right, He knew I wasn't ready and would run screaming in the other direction as fast as I could. That was my first impulse. Not to run, but to come up with every reason and excuse I could muster to avoid what was being presented.
I'm not worthy. I don't have what it takes. I don't know the first thing about that. I don't have the time. What about my kids? What about our home? My family? My marriage? My business? Homeschooling? My new small group that is just about to launch? All the appointments and responsibilities I have coming up soon? There is absolutely no way I can commit to that.
The root of it? I don't see anything special within me that qualifies me for such a position or invitation. Who would suggest such a thing?
The Lord says, " I put your name on the lips of men for My glory. I brought you to them for my purposes. You are not special on your own, but you forget Who created you. I placed special qualities in you that no one else possesses and I need those now. I am calling them out of you now. There are people who need to be reached, hearts that are broken that only you can reach for Me. This is why you have been selected and called out. This is why I created you. Don't worry about your family. Do you think I would sacrifice any of them? Do you think I would allow My children that I have entrusted you with to suffer? I will guide your footsteps and be a light unto your path. I supply you with all of your needs. I am the Lord your God and I am in control. I would never sacrifice you or your family. I would set you up for failure. You will not fail. You will not fall. You fear rejection, but you need to remember it is Me they reject and not you. Your cross is just taking my Word and stepping in faith and I will help you carry that burden. My yoke is easy and My burden is light. I will give you rest when you are tired. I will strengthen you. I have been equipping you and will continue to do so. Don't give up on me now. Keep pressing in. Keep following me."
This has been absorbed much of my prayers, thoughts and concentration recently. Preparations and logistics and lots and lots of prayer.
Suddenly, just as I have come to the place of accepting this new role and responsibility and have started to believe...not in myself, but in what God has instilled in me through my leaders, teachers and experiences and by His own creation and formation of me...I have been delivered another invitation.
Fear. Panic. Hesitation. Concern. Overwhelming pressure. Tempting and exciting...but terrifying! My immediate reaction was this is not for me. Though inside I felt the pull and knew it was exactly for me. The Lord gave me a word months ago and right on time delivered on His word and answered the questions I have long sought Him about. Yet, I immediately resisted.
And I wondered why He wouldn't tell me sooner what His plan and purpose were for me?! My friend and teacher had it right, He knew I wasn't ready and would run screaming in the other direction as fast as I could. That was my first impulse. Not to run, but to come up with every reason and excuse I could muster to avoid what was being presented.
I'm not worthy. I don't have what it takes. I don't know the first thing about that. I don't have the time. What about my kids? What about our home? My family? My marriage? My business? Homeschooling? My new small group that is just about to launch? All the appointments and responsibilities I have coming up soon? There is absolutely no way I can commit to that.
The root of it? I don't see anything special within me that qualifies me for such a position or invitation. Who would suggest such a thing?
The Lord says, " I put your name on the lips of men for My glory. I brought you to them for my purposes. You are not special on your own, but you forget Who created you. I placed special qualities in you that no one else possesses and I need those now. I am calling them out of you now. There are people who need to be reached, hearts that are broken that only you can reach for Me. This is why you have been selected and called out. This is why I created you. Don't worry about your family. Do you think I would sacrifice any of them? Do you think I would allow My children that I have entrusted you with to suffer? I will guide your footsteps and be a light unto your path. I supply you with all of your needs. I am the Lord your God and I am in control. I would never sacrifice you or your family. I would set you up for failure. You will not fail. You will not fall. You fear rejection, but you need to remember it is Me they reject and not you. Your cross is just taking my Word and stepping in faith and I will help you carry that burden. My yoke is easy and My burden is light. I will give you rest when you are tired. I will strengthen you. I have been equipping you and will continue to do so. Don't give up on me now. Keep pressing in. Keep following me."
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